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How to know when is the best time to end a relationship
You feel that your relationship is not the same as before. What to do? We tell you
You feel that your relationship is not the same as before. What to do? We tell you
By: Carolina Alonso
This doubt arises when the relationship is not so bad, but we are not happy either. Of course, sometimes we stay in harmful relationships for our physical, mental and emotional well-being for reasons that are difficult to unravel; However, I believe that most of the time it is due to our fears and old guilt.
Did you know that there are things about our relationship and private life that it is better not to tell? Here we tell you what they are and why. Prevention is better than cure.
For now, let's think about these relationships that move in the gray zone: neither dark nor bright. This gray territory is usually comfortable and reassuring: we know how to move and we feel safe from being alone or having to start a new relationship. Then we look for different justifications to stay. However
There is a longing, we think it may be different: maybe it will wake us up a little more curiosity, enthusiasm, desire We do not know exactly what it is, but when we begin to feel it, we can no longer ignore it.
Carolina Alonso also tells us what it costs us more to talk to women and what to men. Find out right here.
That is the call to change. It is not necessarily about changing partners; if the other is willing and also feels that yearning, we can undertake a shared learning to change the relationship, to take it to a brighter territory together.
Of course, it is also possible that the other does not feel it, is not willing, or that we have lost confidence that with him we can create something different. Then it will be time to end the relationship. Occasionally, since when we know it to when we do it have a good time During which we continue to seek justifications, many of them associated with do not harm the other . Actually, we are afraid to leave the apparent comfort and tranquility of the gray area.
Do you already know the habits of unhappy couples? Here we leave you to examine where you are in your relationship.
As for how to end the relationship: telling your truth will always be the best option. It's about talking about you, what you feel; not of the other, when we point to the other with the is that you , lose our power by not taking responsibility for what happens. Remember that what happens in a relationship is something that always, always, always generates the two that make it up. Take your responsibility, talk about yourself, say thank you and bless the new way for both of you.
Act to learn
Observe and observe yourself with loving curiosity. Reflect and write:
1. Identify and name: What do you feel is missing and left over from the relationship? Be specific: if you feel you have more time together, think about how much time, at what times, how much regularity What can happen when they are together that you need
2. Assume your responsibility: How or not do you generate what is missing and left over from the relationship? Be specific: what you do or don't do, what you say or shut up What do you feel, where do you think your actions come from?
You may be self-sabotaging your relationship and you have not noticed, here we tell you if you have symptoms
3. Prepare the conversation: With this information and from your honest desire to create the best, prepare your conversation about changing or closing the relationship. Choose a time and space conducive to listening and speaking. Dare to tell your truth from love for yourself and for the other.
About Carolina Alonso: Writer, speaker and coach. Expert in love and relationship issues also explains why it is possible to say goodbye with love.

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Why is it so easy to fall in love with psychopaths?
Psychopaths tend to be shown in series and movies as characters that only act in obedience to their thirst for cruelty and sadism.
They think coldly, do not show empathy and are often not only violent, but also engage in activities considered aberrant. In short, they are at the antipodes of what could be considered a partner with whom to share a love relationship.
However, people with a high degree of psychopathy who inhabit the real world are known precisely for their ability to seduce, so that it is easy to feel in love with them. Why does this happen?
You may be interested: "Psychopathy: what happens in the psychopath's mind?"
The manipulative character of psychopaths
People who stand out for their level of psychopathy do not have to feel the need to kill or harm people, but there is something about them that is almost always met: they manipulate others, even without realizing it. And besides, they are very good at this task.
This is due to two reasons. On the one hand, psychopaths reify people, which means that they do not perceive them as much as beings with their own mental life with which they can empathize, but rather as very complex robots or characters in a video game. This characteristic is present in different intensities according to the psychopath: some of them totally reify others, while others only do so to a significantly greater degree than the population average.
On the other hand, the objectification makes you feel no objection to lying and manipulating. The only concern at the time of doing so will be that it is not discovered that something socially frowned upon is being done, but beyond this there will hardly be moral limitations that make the behavior of the psychopath that manipulates or lies seems insecure because of an internal struggle .
In other words, in people with a high degree of psychopathy, lies can flow like water, and saying something that is not true can lead to the same moral challenges as snapping fingers.
This makes psychopaths have a very wide range of action when it comes to pretending something they are not, which means that they have more advantages when it comes to seducing and getting someone to fall in love with them through deception. All this, in addition, without the need to train in lies.
Detecting the weaknesses of others
In addition to having the ability to offer a totally unreal face of themselves, psychopaths have another ace in their sleeve when navigating the world of love relationships by cheating: they are very skilled at detecting psychological vulnerabilities in others.
That means that this class of people has an amazing ability to know what kind of actions and initiatives can be appreciated by someone, either due to certain shortcomings or fears and insecurities.
For example, in an investigation it was found that people who obtained high scores on a psychopathy scale were able to intuitively detect who had suffered sexual abuse in the past ... simply by looking at how they walked. This did not happen in people who did not obtain significantly high levels in that test.
In this way, psychopaths start with a type of privileged information about the weaknesses of others that they can use for their own benefit by offering elements that others need and rarely find in other potential partners. Although it sounds cruel, using intimate information to be more desirable may be something that works when it comes to seducing.
Hibristofilia
So far we have seen the seductive potential that psychopaths are able to offer through a mask that hides their propensity for manipulation; that is, in cases where the couple is not fully aware of the psychological singularities of their lover.
However, even in cases where the person with a high degree of psychopathy has become accustomed to acting violently, it is possible to be attracted to this fact. When aggression is articulated rationally in pursuit of an end, hibristophilia may appear, which is sexual attraction to violent people willing to commit crimes.
Especially if the person with psychopathic traits is male, the fit between this aggressiveness and male gender roles contributes to this tendency to harm others be seen as an expression of manhood and autonomy.
However, hibristophilia is very rare and certainly does not occur in all people. That does not mean, however, that certain degrees of hostility and aggressiveness cannot serve to find a partner.
The dark thriad and love
Even if aggressiveness and hostility do not come to form in the form of crimes, for many people they may be more attractive than the peaceful character; in fact, a concept known as dark thriad, which has often been related to a pattern of sexual preference for narcissistic, manipulative men and with a tendency towards psychopathy.
Why does this happen? It is difficult to find a rational logic beyond the possibility that certain people may be predisposed to be attracted to extremely individualistic people, whose paradigm is psychopaths.
From an evolutionary perspective, it is reasonable to assume that the genes of some individuals predispose them to seek the company of this class of personalities, since in certain contexts having offspring with people of this class can increase the chances of transmitting genes successfully.
Related article: "What happens when a psychopath falls in love?"

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